At Fears Grasp

Coming at you from the corner of my bed~

I don’t remember when was the last time I checked my toilet, but every inch nearer I get to it, I get chills. It’s almost like the back of my mind knows something, but protects me by leaving it in the fragments of feelings. Those chills though…they gave me the confidence to knock on my neighbors door to use the bathroom. I wasn’t very social, so I never really knew who my neighbors were.

…(pause)

I knock, echoing like a whisper. Then the door opened…slowly, revealing who was behind the strong, metal door. It was a woman; a middle aged woman. She looked at me with a warm smile, greeting me carefully. I accepted the gesture, and returned the greeting—but urgently continued, because I was no longer able to hold my feelings any longer. I opened my mouth, and spoke. “May I use your restroom?”, I said. She looked at me, somewhat confused and shocked. She nodded slowly, but I rudely let myself in quickly. I couldn’t resist the urge any longer. A few moments later, I exit the restroom and closed the door behind me. I looked around and found no one in sight. I grew worried—I didn’t know where the woman was, and her apartment light was beginning to flicker. I clenched my fist in fear, but acted as if I was fine. Suddenly, a noise came from the staircase. I wanted to run, but I couldn’t just leave. I turn and walk towards the noise, my heart almost loud enough to hear. I approach the stairs--not too sure if what I was doing was the right choice. I peeked—It was the same middle aged woman. She apologized for going upstairs without letting me know, but I smiled and apologized in return, explaining my rude entrance. She laughed and asked if I needed some help with my bathroom, and mentioned her son. I politely refused, not wanting to bother them…nor endanger them. I thanked the woman repeatedly and said my goodbyes.

…(pause)

It was a few days later, the sun was brighter than usual, but the clouds seemed to carry some gray. I closed my curtains and looked down in thought. Knock Knock, the door called. I panicked, thoughts racing through my mind. I tip-toed to the door and slightly creaked the door open. A man stood outside, tall and with calm eyes. I didn’t know if that, though, was a good sign. I asked what I could help with, and he smiled calmly, introducing himself as the son of the woman next door. I opened the door a bit more, testing the man’s purpose. He looked at me in thought, but continued his introduction. Turns out, the woman had been concerned about me. I was going every day to her restroom, she thought there might be something serious. I panicked, but the man insisted I let him help, so I had no other choice but to let him in to hide my weirdness. I led him to my restroom, clean, and untouched. He slowly approached the toilet and opened the lid, then shrieked. He hid behind me while I calmly melted in fear, approaching the toilet as well. I looked inside and saw…a big…Fat…Rat.

I looked at the man after closing the lid aggressively. He looked at me, a tad embarrassed, but offered to call some so called..expert. I agreed, as I *did* in fact want to use my own restroom again. He nodded in acceptance, but while he called, I brought myself together. I couldn’t believe my fear was from a simple rodent, but what was I really fearing inside?

The man looked at me. For a moment, we shared the same air I had breathed in for a long time.

---

Thank you for reading!

With care, 누나

Tell me! Don’t be scared to say it’s bad~